Fat Ginger Big Issue Seller (F.G.B.I.S) :
Big Issue. Big Issue. Awright kiddies want a copy? Fresh aff the Press
Us:
No thanks you’re alright mate
F.G.B.I.S:
Oh go on, helps the homeless an aw that. Go on wit about you pal?
Ewan:
Na sorry mate, students you know….
F.G.B.I.S:
But it’s for a good cause. Helpin the homeless an aw that. Awright wit about you darlin’?
Natalie:
Na you're alright thanks
F.G.B.I.S:
Aye what about you then pal? Wit age ur yae?
Me:
Eh, hard sell isn’t quite working is it. We’ve already said not interested mate. Doesn’t matter what my age is
F.G.B.I.S:
Right, so you’re a fanny then aye?
Ewan:
:o
Natalie:
Eh, that’s a bit harsh
Me:
Eh, aye ok mate
F.G.B.I.S:
Cause you’ve got a huge fuckin cranium aye. She’s far prettier than yae. Ya wee wank. *walks off*
WELCOME TO GLASGOW
Don’t you just love it. Im so proud to be Glaswegien. If in doubt just act like a total prick to people an you’re bound to get your own way in the end. At least that’s what the guy thought. Said the exact same shite to the people beside us in the Bier Halle Beer Garden.
Week 1
First week home I have off work and I decide to go nuts and do…..wait for it…waaait for it…..absolutely nothing. Except watch 24 and drink some foreign beers. Think in the end I watched a Season and a half. Ridiculously good. And yes correct that’s roughly a whole day’s worth in hours watching Jacky B strutt his stuff on that LA Takedown Dancefloor of Hardcore Action. Yas.
Week 2
Monday and I begin work at Caledonia TV. It’s great. Really nice people. Very welcoming into the team and I pretty much get stuck right in there with their Museums series ‘Ulaidhean’ taking over where Colette left off. I finish off her shooting notes then do some transcripts. Not exactly best of fun but that leads onto shadowing the editing of the first six episodes of rushes later in the week. And that’s all ill say about work. I meet Si and Jo that night and go see the Simpsons film. Pretty funny but not as great as everyone seems to be saying it is. Ends up being a bit of a night out. Was Joanne’s introduction to the Glasgow nightlife. Or something. Go around most of the best bars in town. Get drunk a little too quickly but its all good in the hood. Early hours and I stagger home and realise my Amy Macdonald signed copy has arrived. It’s ACE everyone buy it now.
Tuesday night I meet with Davyd and we go see Transformers – aye CGI’s very nice but I could have came to that conclusion from just watching the trailer. I hate Michael Bay. All looks very pretty but the scripts are always laughable and the plots always ridiculous. Howbout you stop letting this guy make 200 million pound movies and give it to me. Anyone. With that kind of money anyone could make something easily as ‘impressive’ as Michael fuckin’ Bay. Many Staropramen down the hatch in the Bier Halle with Davyd and we decide to make a short film. Still in the works so ideas still in early early pre-production stage. Tbc at later date.
Wednesday I promise myself im going to be sensible and just go straight home after work. Aye right. Strolling along Bath Street and who do I see/hear but Jen from the City Inn days chatting with crazy friend Annie in Bar Bloc. Original 2 drinks then home idea very soon disappears when I random meet with kev boyle from school. We talk music. His band His Girl Friday are excellent. Another addition to this random meet is my bosses daughter Kirsty. I try very hard to behave myself and be all professional etc but aye right like im going to pull that off. We decide to head to the west end. Ewan joins is in Brel on Ashton Lane. Drinks till late. £4.25 for a Kronenbourg Blanc. Loaded obviously….shit.
Thursday I go for lunch with Ewan in Chinaski’s. many beers after end up in firewater chatting up underage girls for a laugh. 2 more in Magic Cafe to share their pizza onion rings. keep calling one billie piper and she hates it because she’s Australian. Or was it South African. Who knows. Later she spills donner sauce on my jeans. Aye cheers.
On the Saturday I go see Die Hard 4 with my dad. So much better than I thought it would be. Beats 2 and 3 certainly. Can’t beat a bit of John MacLean over the top beating off fighter jets with his bare hands and using cars as weapons to take down helicopters – car takes it out in mid air. As you do. After the showing we go out the wrong exit of the cinema. Front and back entrance/exit look identical. Rather hilarious moment almost losing dads car. Being 24’d out of my nut my first thought was ‘what would Jack Bauer do?’. Was fully prepared to go over to the ticket desk and demand to speak to head of security, demand CCTV footage of the car park adjacent to the building, cross reference any ID’s made with any unsolved car thefts over the last 6 months. But then we realise we were in the South Car Park, not the North. Oh well. Was looking forward to that aswell…
Week 3
Monday I go for a meal and screening of Thomas Telford at Les Wilson, the boss’s house. Dinner is great. Some fancy Jamie Oliver recipe. Les is quite the entertainer. Tuesday is Annie’s 22nd Birthday Party with Del and Jen. Met a girl Jen who is the face of a Belle and Sebastien album cover or something – whatever. Spoke to Sarah, Jen's mate about possible flat and
arranged for viewing Wed. Went back to Del's after and watched Jackie Brown and fell asleep. Woke up half 5, 2 hours sleep until I had to go to work.
Wednesday I do lunch with Simon at the beloved Chinaski's. Plan for cinema later. Flat viewing at 7 and it looks great. Ewan and Natalie come too but decide to maybe look at few others before we decide to move out. Go to bier halle for dinner and few drinks with Si Nat Ewan. sit outside at first but get hastled by cheeky ginger big issue guy see above) that calls me a fanny because I dont tell him my age and that his hard sell is failing miserably. Ewan and Nat go home at 10 Si and I go
Stavka for a few. Pub Quiz - whats worse than a maggot in an apple? being raped……had to be there I guess…
Thursday's a quiet one I go home finish 24 season 5 and sleep. Friday I do lunch with Ewan in The Hall. The scream burger is ace and get to play some pool but get a bit too excited and rather tipsy from downing the pint and prancing about with the pool cue that we are both drunk and late on return to work.
On the weekend I decide to do next to nothing which is great as ive not really had a break since being home. Sunday night late we play some poker at Del's. Not played in months. Good to be back. All get a bit drunk and Derek freaks out thinking Craig has ran off....later find out he was lying at the end of the
bed the whole time….Del yer a tit.
Tuesday I go to the bier halle with dad for dinner. Staropramen and Spicy Sausage Pizza for me, Krusovice and Hawaiian Pizza for dad. Talk of applying for jobs. Ideas and ambitions. What is the meaning of life. All that jazz. Ewan joins us post-dinner - orders Staropramen - for chat about developing his cv more - Tich from 999 design suggests writing it like a cd - tracks etc. since it is cd cover art and design work that he wishes to pursue. few more drinks and ewan's girlfriend natalie arrives - raspberry beer - few more drinks and we grab a taxi home.
Wednesday is Bourne Ultimatum premiere. Jo Banana's very kindly skips the queue for me, working there and all, to get me a ticket. The queue is so long is queueing outside and round the corner to where Walkabout is. Film is excellent. Best action film i've seen in years - tops that of Casino Royale. Think bathroom fight scenes. Two words - Hardback Book.
Week 4
This week im with MNE working on a Runrig feature. It’s about the fans not the band. Work Work Work Runrig Runrig Work - Thursday we find we have 20 Gaelic Contributors and 15 Crazy Fanatic Foreigners travelling from around the world for 1 band playing live on home turf. They have interesting names of course. The Kockums amd the Kuhnt's. Were really keen on getting those two together. From a fan bellydancing to An Toll Dubh, to a blind Danish lady who has been to 97 Runrig Concerts. I mean I feel guilty seeing a band twice. Is she mad?!
Friday and we're off. I wake up to 9 missed calls on my phone. All from numbers I fail to recognise....until I read the texts - they are from Contributors to our show. I cross-reference (my attempt at being Jack Bauer cheers thanks) these missed numbers with other contributors and find they are all people we were unable to get in touch with the night before. Made the calls, we now have hmm 40 people meeting us for interviews within the space of an hour.....bring it.. Wellies - Check. Z1 - Check, Gear and laptop and other unnecessary items - Check. We leave MNE around 1. We leave an hour behind schedule. Which of course does not take into account the 2000 fans are also trying to get to the same place we are going to? Hence the traffic jams and generally crazy german/danish/italian dunno ALL of Europe fuck it. I was of course delighted, at the time , to meet many of these fanatics at the Green Welly Shop.
We arrive in Fort Augustus back of 6 and go for dinner. Asked at the bar if I want a drink I mistakingly automatically say yes, quick tap check and ask for a Kronenbourg Extra Cold. Around 3 seconds later I do a turn and realise im 1 of the 2 out of 10 people in our crew thats having a beer with their dinner - the FUCK am I doing? Jokes are made at the fact I have a beer - but of course they really think 'who the fuck's this guy? not that they are paying me anything apart from the food but....yeh not a good thing to do when your there with a crew as a trainee. All decent people though, which really matters when your filming festivals - it's all about getting into the swing of things - the atmosphere, the music, the banter. so that it shows clearly on camera. so that your not just a pro presenter that can make anything seem fabulous - this is actually something we're all there for and enjoying it - 11, quit a large crew might I add. Your asking the viewer to come party.
Wasn't much required in the first night though. Just covered bits and bobs from the Karaoke, some PTC (pieces to camera) with the presenters and plenty of GV's from campsite - day and night to compensate for any reason to have to cut out of interviews. show a nice pretty picture. whatever! Donald’s band Achnasheen Airport play also. They sound great. night ends at midnight. heating in car is so strong we all fall asleep. back to richmond house hotel and there's some kind of party. 8 piece random band. I drop off my bags in room and go join with rest of crew which very quickly changes from the planned 1 pint then bed to...4 pints and bed can wait. Few real old school characters in the bar. they get to stay late and attend a lock-in with us (the guests) as he is probably the main source of income that keeps their place going when business is low ie an alcoholic.
Saturday morning I get up early and watch The Good Shepherd starring Matt Damon, Robert De Niro and Angelina Jolie, Directed by Robert De Niro about the beginning of the CIA. Ill admit it looks great and Matt Damon is always great but it’s just a tad boring….not much happens in it in the end. I look outside and the weather is miserable. Pouring with rain. Wind. So I pack my waterproof’s. We pick up our Triple A (Access All Areas) passes and head backstage, setup our camera’s – we have 2 crews. We are told that the Vatersay Boys have been drinking through the night. A brief look into their porta-cabin and I see they are downing Port out of a Vase! We interview Julie Fowlis and Aberfeldy. Then head out into the main field just as people start to enter. A group of around 20 fans race from the back of the field all the way to the front barrier of the stage. Very nice guys but Runrig aren’t for hours yet! It’s still raining heavily. We notice immediately that the Merchandise Stall where we had arranged to meet all these fans…….wasn’t in the middle of the field beside the sound desks like it said on the map. Next problem was EVERYONE had fucking umbrella’s so was impossible to find anyone. Or more importantly it was impossible for them to find us.
Ended up having to just go around and do Vox Pops as only 3 or 4 of the contributors actually found us at that point as we waited beside the sound desks in the centre of the field. Pretty sure it worked out well in the end though. Camera I had didn’t have a waterproof cover so ended up using a plastic bag. Started getting wet on the Viewfinder so I had to just put it back in the van and shadow the Z1 Camera Crew instead. Spot a good number of people with Gaelic who do us a favour and say a little bit about why they are here etc. Got a lot of interesting festive footage with the mud fights etc and were able to get the camera up and stage and in front of the main barrier during Runrig’s set which was quite impressive but what can I say….im a Donnie fan in the end. During the encore I go to the toilets backstage to find Iain Bain (the drummer) beside me at the Urinal. We join the afterparty in the tent backstage after the gig and I meet Carrie from school who is a roadie with the Vatersay Boys. Good to see her not seen her in years. So nackered by this point. It’s been a long day. Head back to the hotel and a few drinks with the crew then I collapse in bed.
Sunday I wake up early but my phone got some water in it through the day so it crashed and shows the time on the screen as half 3. I panic and rush to get ready but then check my watch and I still have an hour in bed. Best news ever. We head back out to finish off the rest if Ishi and Cailean’s PTC’s then we drive back to Glasgow. I lose my sunglasses – Raybans bought brand new the Thursday before somewhere between the Hotel and home. FUCK.
Monday I go see Bourne Ultimatum again. This time with Simon. We have dinner in Bunker. Monday Munchies – 5 pound dinner. Not bad. Film is great again of course. Go for a drink in Pivo Pivo and witness a film crew filming Taggart in an office building across the road. Join Del in Brick next who’s there already for the pub quiz and he’s smashed talking about how great a barman he is and how he’s going to go to New York and prove us all wrong. Or live in China and teach English. One of the two. Tuesday I plan Fridays trip to Edinburgh Museums.
Wednesday I hear Tarantino will be in Glasgow for a Q&A in September. Tickets went on sale the day before and sold out minutes after. Still trying to get a hold of a ticket before he’s here in 2 weeks. I go to Kelvingrove Museum and do a Recce – check out whats good and whats not. There’s millions of stuff but I just pick out the stuff that stands out – Dali’s Christ on the Cross, Rembrandt, Van Gough and a whole number of statue’s and antiques. Today im back there again just to finish taking notes on everything I was looking at. About 10 pages worth in the end. Tomorrow I go through to Edinburgh and visit 3 museums. Going to be chaos considering there are currently 2 festivals also running there at the same time. Might go see a few shows while im there. Kirsty’s coming down for the weekend so should be good . Month left in my course and it’s all starting to get crazy. Have to send off some of my work over the last 6 months to Catriona as evidence. To email Chris Young my CV with ideas and aspirations. Fingers crossed ill get some good advice from that. Still to hear back from Sigma films. Filming on location almost every day of the week for the next 3 weeks.
Stay beautiful. Stay gold.
R :) x
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